Wedding bells peal madly in the summer, don't they? Ma and I were talking one day and she mentioned she'd been invited to a wedding with a follow up of I don't know how long it's been sense I went to a wedding! While I sat there thinking There hasn't been one summer in the last seven years I haven't gone to at least one wedding! This summer nearly broke the record with just a reception and a fall wedding, which I attended today.
I was remembering today being a little girl going to weddings thinking they were so magical! So beautiful! A girl became a damsel in distress and in marched Prince Charming, battled the evil, nasty dragon, saved the sweet maiden from her fate and carried her to her Papa's home where he courted her; proved his love and worthiness to her father. Then a week later, with the towns people rejoicing through singing, laughing, dancing, and clanging of pots and pans Prince Charm and the beautiful girl magically were wed in a church without any stressing over wedding planning. It just happened and sometimes my family and I got to go watch! As a child I was absolutely sure that getting married was the key to happiness, I was sure life would be easier if only I was married.
I remember turning 21 and crying the week of my birthday because I wasn't anywhere close to having even a boyfriend. Never dated. Never been kissed. Never been asked out. Never, never, never. Would I be single forever? Why would God be so mean? Why would He make some people to be single and other marriage just came as easy as spreading butter? What was the trick to getting married without getting desperate? Or at least without looking desperate? I remember crying because I felt like I was expected to be married by now. I was letting everybody down. But also I still believed that marriage was the key to my future happiness. It was my Golden Ticket. My husband would be my savior and make all things right or at least bearable in my life and past pain. So where was he already?
If you read my blog much you already know that I don't still believe that marriage is the key to happiness. I still waffle back and forth though. I found myself praying again this week Lord, please, if You have someone for me please bring him soon.
At the wedding today I didn't cry, it didn't really sting, I wasn't jealous, I understood the practicalities of it but still am very glad to see my friends getting married. I know it isn't romantic, but watching my sweet red head friend wed that man I use to wait with til his girl was done getting ready, all I could think was This is right. This is practical. They are going to grow so much in Jesus together. This is so good. God has great timing. They have so much more life to live.
Another thought started forming that I'm still trying to nail down. Just like it is the right time for Anna&Brain to be wed, it is the right time for me to be single. The Lord is fulfilling the roles that I need Him too. He is my Baba Daddy not only standing in for my deceased earthly father but also covering every bit of fatherhood my earthly dad couldn't. Providing and loving me every step of the way. But God is also my husband, my comfort, my protector/provider, my sweetest/closest friend, the one being that confronts me the most, that one male I respect the most, my most intimate friend/confidant, and emotionally my lover. Being single has brought me closer to Jesus. Being single I've found to be a sweet gift. I've needed this time so badly to be this close with Him. Singleness is a good and practical gift. Just like marriage is a good and practical gift.
I saw a friends Facebook status earlier this week saying how so many years ago that day he had traded his single man burdens and trails for a married man's burdens and trails. He was thankful for both. He is still growing in Christ, now he is growing in Christ continued plus with his bride by his side for life.
Life in Christ is growth. Growing in relationship with Jesus and then spreading that around to everybody we meet. Growing in relationships with community and showing those friendships with Jesus and His gospel. Which means more growth.
Singleness is a gift that has pushed me deeply into the bosom of Christ.
Marriage is a gift which will push me more deeply into Christ.
Singleness doesn't make me a better person or give me "the free/good life". Jesus gives me definition. Jesus makes me better and gives my life meaning and purpose.
Marriage won't satisfy me. Only Jesus satisfies. Only Jesus can be the best thing that ever happens to us.
With both gifts we tend to forget and idolize our situations, but both single and married alike are in need of a Savior. Both need Some One to hold them together when everything falls apart. We need Jesus. Because of sin we will struggle a lot in this life, but if Jesus is your Savior then it doesn't matter - in riches or poviority, in sickness and in health Jesus is enough, the Lord provides, God answers prayers. He is our kinsman redeemer. Every time. He has His beloved brides back!
