Selfishness is a really tricky thing because it's easy to hide from our friends and self, and because everybody is. Sometimes it clear cut and everybody sees it, but what if your that person that everybody thinks highly of and wants to be? Do ppl see them as selfish ever? I think if you really get to know them, or live with them you'd see it.
I know that in these last few weeks I've been learning just how selfish I am. I'm nobody's super star but I have been told in the last year by a number of people that they think I'm awesome or they look up to me. I'm truly honored by that but honestly I think I have tended to take that to the wrong level. I tend to imagine up scenarios all day long of what people could say to me and how I will respond in the best way, the coolest way, or the most spiritually profound way for all the sure to happen conversation with all the "cool people" I do or don't actually talk to. And, by golly, you know what I was deeply convicted on this week? Being fearful of what others think of me. Yeah. I've been so consumed by what others will think of whatever I say that I run through all these scenarios in my cubical while I work that sometimes I even work myself up to my stomach tied in knots! And the point of belief that everybody everywhere that knows me is thinking about me all the time and has me up on a pedestal and OH MY GOSH I HAVE TO PREFORM to keep them happy! Because we all know I'm the center of this universe!
But then a quiet relief came. I don't live before or for the faces of men. Their opinion of me doesn't really matter, the worse they can do is kill me. Whose face does it really matter that I live before? Whose face? God's face. The face of the One who created me. The face of the One who is actually the center of the universe. The face of the One who can actually terrorize me and allow me the worse possible ending to my life, you know that ever lasting life without Christ in a deep dark corner of Hell. But no, I live before the face of Jesus Christ who has saved me. Jesus Christ, God who has redeemed me from the miry pit (psalms 40:1-4). This is the face I live before to please. His is the face I am to live for. Not mine to keep me in the "cool crowd" or other human faces.
So the truly self centered scenario's can stop because I don't have to live up to their expectations of me, or my assumed expectations they have for me. I get to look at scripture and commune with the Holy Spirit for how I am to live before His face. How to please Him as my God.
So just a thought for you, whose face do you live before? Honestly in your heart. Whose face?
I know that in these last few weeks I've been learning just how selfish I am. I'm nobody's super star but I have been told in the last year by a number of people that they think I'm awesome or they look up to me. I'm truly honored by that but honestly I think I have tended to take that to the wrong level. I tend to imagine up scenarios all day long of what people could say to me and how I will respond in the best way, the coolest way, or the most spiritually profound way for all the sure to happen conversation with all the "cool people" I do or don't actually talk to. And, by golly, you know what I was deeply convicted on this week? Being fearful of what others think of me. Yeah. I've been so consumed by what others will think of whatever I say that I run through all these scenarios in my cubical while I work that sometimes I even work myself up to my stomach tied in knots! And the point of belief that everybody everywhere that knows me is thinking about me all the time and has me up on a pedestal and OH MY GOSH I HAVE TO PREFORM to keep them happy! Because we all know I'm the center of this universe!
But then a quiet relief came. I don't live before or for the faces of men. Their opinion of me doesn't really matter, the worse they can do is kill me. Whose face does it really matter that I live before? Whose face? God's face. The face of the One who created me. The face of the One who is actually the center of the universe. The face of the One who can actually terrorize me and allow me the worse possible ending to my life, you know that ever lasting life without Christ in a deep dark corner of Hell. But no, I live before the face of Jesus Christ who has saved me. Jesus Christ, God who has redeemed me from the miry pit (psalms 40:1-4). This is the face I live before to please. His is the face I am to live for. Not mine to keep me in the "cool crowd" or other human faces.
So the truly self centered scenario's can stop because I don't have to live up to their expectations of me, or my assumed expectations they have for me. I get to look at scripture and commune with the Holy Spirit for how I am to live before His face. How to please Him as my God.
So just a thought for you, whose face do you live before? Honestly in your heart. Whose face?
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