Hey friend,
I don't have a real easy way of saying this but this weekend has been rough. everybody has rough weekends right? :) it's nice to know i'm not the only busted up human in the world. yep. so why was this weekend rough? cause i really started missing my dad. i missed his dumb and crude jokes, riddles that i couldn't figure out for days, his "magic tricks" haha! yeah, Dad would get all excited that he could boil water and just before it would start to boil he'd call any audience into the kitchen and be like 'watch! i'm going to do a Magic Trick' then he'd whirl his hand around over the pan of water then step in front of view then jump back and yell "ta-daaa! so what'd ya think? pretty great right?" and then no matter what comment we gave him he'd say "it's all in the hands, all in the magic hands!"
Today i was missing a memory from long ago. the first church i remember going to (we moved churches the beginning of my second grade year) was this little family church name EauClair presbyterian every month or two months we'd have church pot luck night, but even better then the normal monthly pot lucks was lake day. i have know idea how this worked out but somehow, somewhere we always got this meeting hall right on the lake and have a pot luck and we'd all go swimming and canoeing then come back from some grillin. this was the best church event of all of them. in the lake there were raft like things marking the depth of lake, like warnings almost. i always stayed in the shallow end. there was one year that my sister right above me went far out to the third marker and was swimming great and then all of a sudden she wasn't there anymore. then she popped up and waved her hand and yelled help but then when down again, then up again, then down. next thing i know there was mad swimming happening and i couldn't see who it was until Mary was up on the raft and breathing okay again. it was Dad! Dad saved Mary from drowning! i know it's crazy to remember this but i remember thinking "i didn't know he cared! Dad cares about us?" for the rest of the day we just went canoeing with an older sister, but i just kept thinkin "wow! Dad cares!" i miss those days. i miss that day because i knew that i would be protected.
i found myself not wanting to pray a whole lot this weekend because why would God let Dad die so soon? there was still life to be lived.
at church tonight we were singing ... i don't know what we were singing but it was like God convicted me while singing He is the God of life. He knows the times He has for us. And He choses when we live, where we live, and when we die. i didn't get to help Him decide when Dad would pass away, but He gave me the gift of life, He gave me the gift of knowing my Dad before he died. it wasn't the best relationship by any means but it was something. so these good memories i have i can say thank You God for the good times, thank You for the lessons Your teaching me through this. to be fair i know that this isn't going to easy to keep saying. it's easy on a high to say thank you right after i learn it. but tomorrow this might not be so easy. but God is still God. God of god's and Light of lights, very God of very gods. He stays the same, it's me that changes. it's me that leaves Him, He stays the same. Always forever the same. so God, thanks for the good times with Dad. Thank You for the church family You've given me. Thanks for my other fam. Thanks for holding me through the bad times and healing and pursuing me for life. Thank You for passionately loving me and being real!
I don't have a real easy way of saying this but this weekend has been rough. everybody has rough weekends right? :) it's nice to know i'm not the only busted up human in the world. yep. so why was this weekend rough? cause i really started missing my dad. i missed his dumb and crude jokes, riddles that i couldn't figure out for days, his "magic tricks" haha! yeah, Dad would get all excited that he could boil water and just before it would start to boil he'd call any audience into the kitchen and be like 'watch! i'm going to do a Magic Trick' then he'd whirl his hand around over the pan of water then step in front of view then jump back and yell "ta-daaa! so what'd ya think? pretty great right?" and then no matter what comment we gave him he'd say "it's all in the hands, all in the magic hands!"
Today i was missing a memory from long ago. the first church i remember going to (we moved churches the beginning of my second grade year) was this little family church name EauClair presbyterian every month or two months we'd have church pot luck night, but even better then the normal monthly pot lucks was lake day. i have know idea how this worked out but somehow, somewhere we always got this meeting hall right on the lake and have a pot luck and we'd all go swimming and canoeing then come back from some grillin. this was the best church event of all of them. in the lake there were raft like things marking the depth of lake, like warnings almost. i always stayed in the shallow end. there was one year that my sister right above me went far out to the third marker and was swimming great and then all of a sudden she wasn't there anymore. then she popped up and waved her hand and yelled help but then when down again, then up again, then down. next thing i know there was mad swimming happening and i couldn't see who it was until Mary was up on the raft and breathing okay again. it was Dad! Dad saved Mary from drowning! i know it's crazy to remember this but i remember thinking "i didn't know he cared! Dad cares about us?" for the rest of the day we just went canoeing with an older sister, but i just kept thinkin "wow! Dad cares!" i miss those days. i miss that day because i knew that i would be protected.
i found myself not wanting to pray a whole lot this weekend because why would God let Dad die so soon? there was still life to be lived.
at church tonight we were singing ... i don't know what we were singing but it was like God convicted me while singing He is the God of life. He knows the times He has for us. And He choses when we live, where we live, and when we die. i didn't get to help Him decide when Dad would pass away, but He gave me the gift of life, He gave me the gift of knowing my Dad before he died. it wasn't the best relationship by any means but it was something. so these good memories i have i can say thank You God for the good times, thank You for the lessons Your teaching me through this. to be fair i know that this isn't going to easy to keep saying. it's easy on a high to say thank you right after i learn it. but tomorrow this might not be so easy. but God is still God. God of god's and Light of lights, very God of very gods. He stays the same, it's me that changes. it's me that leaves Him, He stays the same. Always forever the same. so God, thanks for the good times with Dad. Thank You for the church family You've given me. Thanks for my other fam. Thanks for holding me through the bad times and healing and pursuing me for life. Thank You for passionately loving me and being real!
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