things that remind me of God

Birds - their wings remind me that God has Healing Wings. He heals my brokeness. God is my protector
Rainbows - the flood... God keeps His promises. all of them!
Rain - Elijah... so i was recently reading 1&2Kings about the prophet praying for fire and then telling king Ahab that  there would be rain even though the cloud was only as large as a man's fist. later in the wk that i read that story i was listening to the radio and the announcer said that there was "a small chance of rain, if we saw any rain clouds it wouldn't be much bigger then a man's fist" seriously they said that. and i thought wow. and prayed "God will you please make it rain for me like you did Elijah because you love me?'' that night i was a Starbucks and a massive storm came through. and while everybody else was freaking out i kept thinking "uh, thanks God! this is a mazing! but i didn't mean scare everybody. but thank you!" so now rain reminds me that God loves me. :)

Insecurities and Me

Dear Blogger Land,

     About a month ago one of my trusted friends (and still loved) suggested that I am insecure. I on the other hand had never really thought about it. You know? I mean I heard others talk about it but when I think Vicki Hansen and insecure I think they repel each other. It's more like Vicki Hansen and Scared are friends. Not Vicki Hansen and Insecure are friends. mmm, I just don't know about this idea! But I was thinking these last weeks maybe insecure is just a nice way of saying "I'm scared!" like "blah! scared of men thinkin i'm fat" when i could say in a more no nonsense way "I'm insecure around certain types of men". no, no, no. that just doesn't sit right in my head. sigh. gosh! words! feelings!
    but no really all joking aside i just don't like the word insecure... i don't know. scared sounds more right to me.

in·se·cure

 [in-si-kyoor] Show IPA

–adjective

1.

subject to fears, doubts, etc.; not self-confident or assured: an insecure person.

2.

not confident or certain; uneasy; anxious: He was insecure about the examination.

3.

not secure; exposed or liable to risk, loss, or danger: an insecure stock portfolio.                                                                                                                                                                                                                     like i was sayin'! scared. it's like worry and fear in one word. but aaaaaaaaagh! i just don't want to put that as defining word about me. i'd rather just keep sayin ''i'm scared. i'm shy. i don't know about that. i'm worried." but, but.. OH BUMMER! i don't know. whatev. it doesn't have to define me.. I'm mean really Jesus Christ defines me. but I'm "insecure" about His love for me. I'm not always sure that I'm okay in Him so i start to worry and fear about anything and everything around me. though i must say i don't mind using the word Insecure with the sentence above. so maybe I'll just be scared of things on earth and worried about situations and say that it's all because I'm insecure in Christ. yes. that wraps it up nicely. thank you Blogger land with your fine lush green rolling hills and butterfly's! thank you! 

Thankful for the good times

Hey friend,
     I don't have a real easy way of saying this but this weekend has been rough. everybody has rough weekends right? :) it's nice to know i'm not the only busted up human in the world. yep. so why was this weekend rough? cause i really started missing my dad. i missed his dumb and crude jokes, riddles that i couldn't figure out for days, his "magic tricks" haha! yeah, Dad would get all excited that he could boil water and just before it would start to boil he'd call any audience into the kitchen and be like 'watch! i'm going to do a Magic Trick' then he'd whirl his hand around over the pan of water then step in front of view then jump back and yell "ta-daaa! so what'd ya think? pretty great right?" and then no matter what comment we gave him he'd say "it's all in the hands, all in the magic hands!"
     Today i was missing a memory from long ago. the first church i remember going to (we moved churches the beginning of  my second grade year) was this little family church name EauClair  presbyterian every month or two months we'd have church pot luck night, but even better then the normal monthly pot lucks was lake day. i have know idea how this worked out but somehow, somewhere we always got this meeting hall right on the lake and have a pot luck and we'd all go swimming and  canoeing then come back from some grillin.  this was the best church event of all of them. in the lake there were raft like things marking the depth of  lake, like warnings almost. i always stayed in the shallow end. there was one year that my sister right above me went far out to the third marker and was swimming great and then all of a sudden she wasn't there anymore. then she popped up and waved her hand and yelled help but then when down again, then up again, then down. next thing i know there was mad swimming happening and i couldn't see who it was until Mary was up on the raft and breathing okay again. it was Dad! Dad saved Mary from drowning!  i know it's crazy to remember this but i remember thinking "i didn't know he cared! Dad cares about us?" for the rest of the day we just went canoeing with an older sister, but i just kept thinkin "wow! Dad cares!" i miss those days. i miss that day because i knew that i would be protected.
     i found myself not wanting to pray a whole lot this weekend because why would God let Dad die so soon? there was still life to be lived.
at church tonight we were singing ... i don't know what we were singing but it was like God convicted me while singing He is the God of life. He knows the times He has for us. And He choses when we live, where we live, and when we die. i didn't get to help Him decide when Dad would pass away, but He gave me the gift of life, He gave me the gift of knowing my Dad before he died. it wasn't the best relationship by any means but it was something. so these good memories i have i can say thank You God for the good times, thank You for the lessons Your teaching me through this. to be fair i know that this isn't going to easy to keep saying. it's easy on a high to say thank you right after i learn it. but tomorrow this might not be so easy. but God is still God. God of god's and Light of lights, very God of very gods. He stays the same, it's me that changes. it's me that leaves Him, He stays the same. Always forever the same. so God, thanks for the good times with Dad. Thank You for the church family You've given me. Thanks for my other fam. Thanks for holding me through the bad times and healing and pursuing me for life. Thank You for passionately loving me and being real!

Been encouraged

Hey! so it's Sunday again, i've decided to blog a least once a week and try and keep up somewhat with others through reading their blogs. So something that i've been going back to again and again these last two weeks is Psalm 23. ya know if you grew up in church it's something you grew up with and know by heart as this beautiful type of poem but i've been seeing more then just that resently in it.

Psalm 23

The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want

He makes me lie down in green pastures, 

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul

He guides me in paths of righteousness

for His name's sake.

even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

 your rod and yours staff, they comfort me.

you prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. 

you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

surely goodness and love will follow me 

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

because of who I am in Christ there is a lot of encouraging truth in this chapter, i count 15 truths that are strong truths in Christ. and have become very encouraging to me. things that i didn't understand before i'm now nodding my head going "yeah! that's so true, He has, He does do that!".

1. The Lord is my shepherd - yep! that's true, He is my shepherd. in every sense of that word.
2. I shall not be in want - true. what i need...need God provides. ALWAYS. He is really sweet about being consitant in providing. And His grace abounds in that He blesses me with more then what i need.
3. He makes me lie down in green pastures - He gives me rest. and what do sheep need with green pastures? well, it's their food, it's not just any food it's healthy food. but it's more then just food it's that He provides the rest and things i need spiritually and physically to grow and live in Him.
4. He leads me beside still waters - i heard a speaker say once that the reason it says still or quiet waters is because sheep are afraid of rushing water. we are the sheep. we need water and (this is just me sayin) God knows our fears and even though He may think and know the fears are silly He brings us to still waters so that we may live. He provides.
5. He restores my soul. - nuff said! so true!
6. He guides me in paths of righteousness
7. why? - for His name's sake! it's for He's glory...i'm finding that's a beautiful thing!
8. Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil - that's right! in the mist of dark pain and confusion i have a place of comfort! i need not walk in fear or live by fearful sight.
9. For You are with me - everyday, all the way! i think this is one of my favorites... that God is with me always. :)
10. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies -
11. You anoint my head with oil -
12. My cup overflows - there is so much blessings! i'm so amazed!
13. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life -
14. and i will dwell in the house of the Lord
15. Forever - okay you might not say that this is a promise by it's self or counts... but i think it is. you know? we live on this earth for only so many 80 something years, but one day we in Christ will live forever with Him! i'm excited about that! :) 

some of those i left blank because i don't really understand them. but just like life there is still room to grow. i'm not a bible scholar, these are just things that i've thought of this text and have been encouraged by. God is really good! so personal! i love Him!

Image bearers

     Hey, so I'm reading this book called Rid of My disGrace by Lindsey and Justin Holcomb, I'm in the last section in the book call Grace applied. I haven't gotten very far into it but what I have been thinking on from it in the last 6 or 7 hours is the idea that God created us in His image, kind of like the illustration that they use that the ancient kings would set up images of themselves around their kingdom because their kingdoms were so vast that they themselves couldn't always make themselves known to each providence of their kingdom so they would have the monuments or status of themselves put up so that the people would remember who their king was.
     The book got this idea stuck in my head that when God created man and woman in His own image (as it stated in Gen. 1) and told them to multiply it was like He was saying remember Me. Make more people in My image to remind you of who your King is, to remind you how you ought to treat each other remember that you are made in My image.

      Here's another thing. At church we've started this new series called Different and Equal talking about men and women as equal and this first part of the sermon tonight I was having a difficult time really listening because I kept thinking "oh, yeah image bearers! We bear the image of God!" and like Jon was saying at the beginning of the sermon men and women have different qualities that show use what God is like. I just sat there being really amazed and excited that I get portray to those around me part of who and what God is like just by being a girl.
     I also got excited thinking about how different each of us is but yet we all bear God's image and learn from each other. Take for example this simple conversation my roommate and I had the other day. We were talking about what we would do if we had a little extra spending money and she said she'd think to buy a shirt, and I thought I'd like to buy more jewelry and a dress. She wished she thought more like that, but quiet honestly it'd be really great if I could remember to not by jewelry or dresses and buy a shirt. I kept thinking during the sermon isn't that just so? Buying a dress isn't more like God then wanting to buy a shirt, it's different perspectives and mind-setts that show off God. He made us different but the same... make since?

Patience: It's a Grace thing

     Some months ago several of my friends kept telling that I needed to more patient with myself. I didn't understand what they meant, so I asked them. they said "don't be so hard on yourself", "don't expect so much from yourself", "it's okay to make mistakes your not perfect and you have to be, nobody is".
I still didn't understand so I did what I normally do and ignored it for as long as I could then prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to help me understand, to please remove the block from my head that just won't let me understand. 
     Sometime around then I put up a note on my cube wall that says "God doesn't give up on me as fast as I do.'' So every time at work when I'd start chewing myself out about anything and start getting really down I read it. There were other things that kept coming up to help me to, but one day I realized patience is like giving myself grace. See giving grace is just like forgiving yourself for those silly mistake we all make. Giving grace to yourself is praying and asking God to help you to stop beating yourself for all those things you did in the past that others have forgiven you for that you still feel so guilty about. Giving grace is remembering who I am in Christ on the daily, that yes, I've said mean things, done things I regret, not responded to situation the way I wish I would have, not said anything when I should have. BUT, hey, hey now didn't Christ forgive me when I've asked? Yep. So who is this bringing charges against me? Is it God? Nope. Is the Devil? Could be. Is it me? Could be both. So look self, Jesus has forgiven me when I ask and He is only One who can change me and make me better. Trust Him. Trust what He says is true. Trust that He has forgiven me and stop with the worry's and what if's. God has forgiven me so I can rest in His forgiveness of me as well as forgive myself.
     All of this forgiveness and giving grace has to do with patience because patience is like pre-current grace. It's pre-grace for all the dumb stuff I'm going to do by slowing down my attitude/reactions to a calm remembrance that no matter what happens at the end of the day I'm still in Christ, and He in me. It's also current grace because when I'm in a situation where I just did something dumb I can stop and remember "hey I'm in Christ this will work out okay in the end" and not bitch at myself. This also works really well for when people push my buttons. It's also really helpful with others to remember that I've probably done the same thing to someone that they are doing to me. If not to another human being, to Jesus. See it's giving current grace. Patience, I think of it as a grace thing. ...I wonder how many of the fruits of the Spirit are grace things? huh, donno.

peace out!

Easter Sunday Morn

Low in the grave He lay

Jesus my Savior

...

Up from the grave He arose

With a mighty trimuph 

o're His foes

He arose the Victory

from the dark domains

and He lives forever with His saints to reign!

He arose! He arose! 

Hallelujah!

Christ arose!

       I went to Mundey Thursday service the other night and kept thinking about when I come to the cross I bring a nail and a stone to put Jesus on the cross with all my sin, my attitude is one of bitterness and hate. But Jesus because He knows the joy of being with His Dad says “okay, I’ll let you nail me to this cross. Not because it’s easy or cause I like it but because the joy to come. The joy that you get to have God as your Daddy because without this death you would never know or could ever be restored.” And Jesus before, during and after as I nail Him to the cross He has forgiven me, give me grace. I keep thinking in a way He shakes His head, talking to His Dad say's "Dad, it make me so sad, she doesn't know what she's doing -how she's hurting me and disobeying flat out hating You. But I love her, Dad. And I want her to know You as Dad." Then Jesus saves me and through walking with Him through life He takes the nail and stone out of my hands and put different things there. He redeems. He restores my broken heart, soul and life. He conquers all my shame through rising. He took on my guilt and now in Jesus Christ I stand forgiven, freedom from the law of sin and death.
I am ridiculously blessed! Wow! Praise be the matchless Name of Jesus Christ!


He is risen!