My hardest Fight - Lust

Quotes from Dave Harvey's book When Sinners Say "I Do" chapter 6, Forgiveness, Full and Free p101-102:

      Pride fueled my actions and thoughts. My opinions wee the only correct ones and I had a "right" to have all my needs        met. ...To my (a husband, named Jeremy)  humiliations and shame,  when we argued I would often say things like "any other woman would love to be married to me." Instead of dealing humbly with the growing probles, I chose to run from my God-given responsibilities and vows, and pursued a relationship with another woman. ...

This running led to a gradual hardening of my heart and manifested itself in an arrogant attempt to see how close I could get to the flame and not get burnt. ...

During the months leading up to my physical adultery, I experienced uncommon sleeplessness and anxiety. it was as if I was running down a train track toward an unseen but audible oncoming train. I knew the right thing to do would be to jump off the track but I continued running faster, somehow drawn in by the "excitement" of the feelings. Rejecting God's patience as He gave me months of opportunity to turn from my sin, I chose to run headlong into the abyss.

If I (Dave Harvey) can make a plea--husbands and wives, should you find yourself en route to the abyss of infidelity, whether with a person or with pornography in any of its manifestations...

SLAM!

The book landed on the floor. I'm NOT reading this crap anymore! You can't tell me that my daydreams are the same as porn! I'm not reading anymore of that dumb book! I don't care WHAT YOU SAY LORD!!!

Stop! Bugging me! Holy Spirit, I DON'T. Have. A. Problem!

*crickets* 

FINE! I'll finish this section. But THEN I'm going to sleep and I. DON'T. WANT TO TALK TO YOU, GOD!!!

...should you find yourself en route to the abyss of infidelity, whether with a person or with pornography in any of its manifestations please repent of your sin and seek the help of a person you trust. Read this story as a WARNING and a plea from the God who loves you and is seeking to rescue you from that sin.

CRACK

Again. The Harvey book landed on the floor as an angry Vicki crossed her arms and rolled over squeezed her eyes shut! No! I'm not talking about it! I'm going to sleep for the night God and we are NOT talking about this! I'm not wrong!

Ten to twenty minutes later. Okay. Maybe I am wrong. So what were You trying to say? I'm a sinner? Oh. Yeah, that's not news. I'm sorry Dada, if You want me to change You're going to have to do the work. I don't know how. I know this will hurt like hell but You are God and You are worth it.

Ever since I was twelve years old I have struggled with sexual daydreams. As an adult when I'm alone for longer then 1.5 days the temptations to watch porn is strong. Sometimes I haven't fought at all, as in I enjoyed my sin. At other times I have just turned off all desires saying sexual desire is gross and anybody who even struggles with that is gross and have totally despised them.

Reading Dave Harvey's book was a huge wake up call to me. Because God flat out convicting me, reminding me that my sins don't have to because physical to be sins against God or myself.

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Matthew 5:27-28

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you:sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming.

Colossians 3:5-6

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:8-9

I couldn't continue on my merry way without confessing to my LifeGroup (church small group) and making plans to fight. But why fight? Besides the verses above? I fight not just because I want to be pure, not just because I want to give freely of my self to a husband one day but because I have a relationship with Jesus. Jesus is my love for life and He is totally not okay with my lustfully passions. He is not okay with my disrespect. He says to save sex of every kind for marriage and because He first loved me, I want to love Him well back. Just like everybody tries to make their friends smile and not angry with them, I love my Jesus, I want to please Him, I don't want to disappoint or disobey Him.

I still struggle with lust, O Reader, but I don't go through this life alone. I have Jesus and Jesus family to walk through life with. When I have a three day weekend I make plans to hang out. When I'm being tempted I call a friend hey! wanna have a movie night? or can I come borrow one of yours so I can keep my mind pure? 

For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. - 2 Corinthians 5:21

Because of Jesus becoming my sin, I have a way of escape.  I have a way to handle my sin.

I've realized also that when I start having sexual temptation it 50% stems from being lonely, so instead of running away from God He has been teaching me to run to Jesus God and just say Dada I hurt please be my comfort.

Prayer works. God is real and powerful. God is a personal God.