On Sept. 19 I got a call from my Mom telling me Dad passed away suddenly that afternoon. Life hasn't been "normal" since then. My friend Klash told me there's going to have to be a new normal. I was thinking about that today... what will new normal be? How will it be different from old normal?
I'm not sure. I've been crying more at my desk at work though... I don't want that to be "new normal" because I like my job.
Yesterday I was remembering the state fair is coming up and every couple of years Dad gets really interested and excited about going. This was one of those years. I remember going to the state fair with Mom&Dad when I was young... Dad mainly liked the art building he took forever looking through the art, as I recall. Yeah... the art build is one of my favorites too, it's like people's thoughts on display in color! With imagination! Some are dreams, some memories, some loved ones, some fantasies, some healing, some sad, and some bitter.
For sympathy from my office I got a plant... you know, one of those big one's that make you think of a doctor's office. I named him Freddy and thought "Man! I wish Dad were still alive I'd give it to him! He'd know how to take care of it and help me throw it away because if I didn't want it and he didn't want it he could throw it out. Because Dad never really minded being that sort." But instead Fred sits on my front porch and every other day it's leafs droop and I think "Oh man! I need to water it! Talk to it, sing lullabies over it! Make Fred feel loved!" Yet another thing I pick up from Dad. He planted trees out in the yard some years back--I guess it's been about 5years now that he had a lot of the pine trees removed and planted lots of leafy trees that he'd go out and talk to every day and see how they were doing. ( don't call my dad crazy! it was kinda cute!)
So today I watered Fred and thought "I'm turning into Dad. Weird!" and "Just like I'm taking care of Fred I need to take care of myself".
One of my good friends/co-workers gave me a small plant arrangement (which I named Anne an Friends). when I received Anne I was so disappointed because as far as I know of me I can only keep one plant alive at a time! And I had already received Freddy. and the week of the funeral I'd taken Little Mr Dude to a friends house to care for (Little Mr Dude is a Basile plant) that I wasn't doing such a great job caring for in the first place. I told my co-worker this and thus it was decided that Anne an Friends would be kept on my desk for co-workers to help up keep.
Sigh! I just want to know whose big idea it was to give mourning people live plants to care for! Where did that come from? I mean really!
thats all for today.
oh by the way did you catch that my dad died? I don't know what to think about that. What's a 24year old suppose to think of that? I'm sad and angry but it's also an okay thing. New normal will be different from old normal and I don't know where the new normal will take me, it's scary and maybe 5% exciting.
