When I say "I love you" & A little bit of purpose

Hello my readers,
I've had a blog post idea in my head for a week and just didn't write. I couldn't figure how to write these things to make sense. But Lord willing my two thoughts will make sense. So here's the first...
When I say "I love you",
 I don't mean to make you squirm. :) I've found myself saying "I love you" and "I love you Jesus fam" a lot in the last few months and have noticed that there are certain people that tend to squirm at such proclamations like I shouldn't say such things when male beings are around. Well friends let me just explain what I mean and don't mean. I don't mean romantic love. I mean I want the best for you! I want Jesus for you. If I see you are wrong I will confront you, and expect the same in return. I mean that no matter what I'll be ready to stick to ya as my Jesus family, the way that Jesus has/does love me. Ready to give grace and forgiveness. Ready to walk through life with you.
I have been blessed to come from a broken home where family wasn't a good thing. Blessed? Yes, blessed. Because my home life was rough the love of Jesus and His family is so beautiful and warm to me. I want to pass on the love that I encounter in Christ with all those around me. My past helps me adore what God has given me in Jesus family. When I yell out an "I love you" I'm telling you I'm ready to stick with you through thick and thin like Jesus does with me.

A Little Bit of Purpose
One morning on the way to work someone on the radio was asking "what do you want people to say about you when you die?" Maybe that you were the most gracious person, or a willing servant. Then this idea formed... I wonder. I wonder if the gospel can be put on display loud and clear by being single and living in gospel community. By living real and honest with your community like they are blood family. We are the family of God so, lets just totally act like it! There's a Psalm (68:5-6) that says God puts the lonely in families. When I think about Midtown and Mill City, I can't help but smile. Yep! I'm single and yep I have prayed and prayed for companionship. But something so sweet that I have learned in the past years is that I am surrounded by a loving and caring family. My life doesn't look the way I thought I wanted it to, but I'm not lonely. I have a family that knows me deeply and still loves me! I have a place to be honest when I struggle but seriously y'all! I'm thinking there is a lot of purpose for singles in the body of Christ and it's just as beautiful as marriage.

Did that make sense?

mumblings after a sad movie

broken people
watching broken people
hoping someone will stop
stop and say hello
that will turn to an 'I love you'

will they stay together
all the way?
see-saw... watch the broken see-saw
tipping in the cracking dawn
watch the swirling orange leafs fall

together
things they fall apart
together.
do broken people
come together to mend the dark?

will we see
one day be made whole?
will be golden rays for me
for you
will you see
that things won't always be
happy.

we're living in a broken world
things won't shine all the time
hearts come and they crash down
and sometimes kill the start

but I -- I am sure there must be
SUNSHINE
sunshine a mist the clouds of night.

though tears fall
though hearts break
though wind blows
and shadows turn to nightmares
that tear and break us down.

though sin should take a knife
though ill will strike a fight
and evil kills at night
there's something more
something stronger then ten thousand broken throngs

There's love
Love comes quickly
love is kind
and honest
holds the broken
mending people
healing, healing, healing

oooooh
But wait a minute dear
don't get so fluttered
love isn't what you think
it's not romance
that will make you dance
you'll see

it's steady faithful love
it's tougher then all evil nights
it'll set you straight when you're wrong
though you might not like that word or song
I promise from my core
that love that's true
and love that's real
from Christ alone
can heal that broken steal

He brings the warfront to the light
and shatters bonds which hold us fast
but my dear  we still live in broken homes
til His light
flashes one last time
and trumpets calls this family home.
so go
go to the broken
open up the dawn of love that lasts
cry when it's sad
be real
and don't forget
you are from a broken past
but He has made you well
to this you can attest

He knows the plans

Today was a day. Whew, so glad it's over. In the last crush i had (yep, you know I got talk about boys some), God taught me soooooooo much. It was a rough crush to say the least but I don't know how else God would have taught me everything He did without all the strangeness off it. To say at least a little more there were some spirits at work that were not of Jesus parading around acting like God (according to 2 Corinthians 10 or 11 they do that, don't they).  But through it all God was at a deep work in my heart, growing me in trust of Him and changing a lot of my perspectives on things. One of the things that changed was doubt. When I met said crush - will call him Frank - all of a sudden I realized that even if Frank wasn't my future husband and things didn't go as I hoped God knew exactly what was going on. Even though I thought maybe Frank was "the one", I became sure that God loves me and knows the plans.
So I don't need to go around day dreaming about the future and how it will work out and worrying "OMG, i'm gonna mess it up if I don't plan the perfect things to say to every possible thing that could happen." God's got my life. I am secure in Him. I can rest in peace about the future. The Lord holds it.

Today though I started thinking about another guy (we'll call him Buddy), so i was thinkin about Buddy tooooo much and praying that I would stop it already! Haven't I had enough crushes to last the rest of my life?
Maybe so. So then this afternoon I was thinking what can I think about instead? I have Hosea 2:14-18 up in my cubical and read 2 Corinthians 10 and 11 this morning and something in chapter 11:2-3 Paul is talking to the church saying he wanted to be able to present them to their Husband, present this bride pure to her husband but he wouldn't be able to because she's been deceived like Eve.
sounds a lot like me doesn't it? I start thinkin about a boy thinking that if I daydream about him my aches and pains will disappear. Or that I can do this life on my own without Jesus, all the while running to my idols for comfort, healing, and dreams to be completed. When its just a deception. If I were to marry my life doesn't just become "happily ever after" I keep living with struggles with a man until Jesus comes back or takes me home. Its a deception that I believe that all my pains will be healed by ignoring it.
It's a lie that I can make my life better by daydreaming pain away, because in so doing I lack healing and miss out on what the Lord has for me to do and be today.

I remembered that belief I came to while crushing on Frank that God absolutely, 100% knows the plans He has for me. Plans to prosper and not to harm. God loves me and has His glory in mind. Lord willing Buddy and Frank will be friends of mine. And in the Name of Jesus I will trust Him with the future even when it hurts and I don't understand or find it easier to worry. (sigh) Jesus help!