Just Obey

Okay, i'm going to pretend that you, Oh my reader, did not read my last post. something about this post idea and the last is making feel really silly-girly-whirly shallow. 

K, so i've been having a crush on this guy (we'll call him Boy)  and just thinking crazy thoughts and dreams and those thoughts of "oh, if only he would say this or did that... or if we could really have a good friendship then I'd be the happiest girl in the world forever, i' mean of course we'd have problems but we'd work them out with Jesus and forgive and we'd be the happiest..."

I realized pretty quickly that I've been idolizing Boy and "our relationship potential". That's not okay with Jesus my Savior so I started praying "God will you please crush my crush? Will You please get Boy a girlfriend, like today? Because if he had a girlfriend... "

"If you would just obey Me then I wouldn't have find Boy a girlfriend."

"But wouldn't that be so much easier? I mean You're God. You can do anything. You can get him a girlfriend fast. And besides that's how You crushed my last few crushes... they started dating and I felt hurt but now I'm not crushing on them am I?"

"If you would just obey Me then  this would be so much easier for All of us."

"What do You mean obey You? Oh. You mean be emotionally present and realize that where ever I am that's what's happening in my life right now? You mean trust You to do as is good for all You're creation and be present."

When I started practicing being present all these different thoughts came up trying to get me back into daydreaming about Boy and were successful until... I stopped and started thinking about things I know God has called me too. I had this shocking realization slap me in the face.

Even if I found Mr. Future Husband Man today, God has clearing given me some things to do in the next few years that if I don't do them I'm flat out rebelling against God. 

Even if I marry the hottest man of prayer on the earth I am still responsible for keeping up my relationship with Jesus and obeying His callings on my life.

When I refuse to obey I'm trading God's peace for something I think will be better. When I disobey I miss daily blessings and sweet time with my Holy Savior.

 

Beauty is a Steeple

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51fQIiHlu8Q

I'm reading a really good book currently entitled When People are Big and God is Small by Edward T. Welch

the first half of the book was about things we fear and had self examining questions for why we fear those things or people. one awesome thing I read in this book is that when I fear some one say I'm terrified of men because they might abuse me, what I'm believing when I live in that fear is that men are stronger and more powerful then God Himself. I'm worshiping a creature and bowing to man's wants and thoughts of me instead of being sure that God who created man is still stronger and His thoughts and wants for me are loving. 

okay, so the first part was about fears not the part I'm reading currently is about fear of the Lord. See the idea is that when my fear of the Lord is rightly placed my other fears will either disappear or also be place underneath the fear of the Lord. 

Now to talk about my title *hehe i'm so excited!*

"Make sure you keep your eyes sett on the Holy One.Whether the subject is the Grand canyon or the Ten Commandments,these inspire awe because they are an expression of the holy character of God."

E.T. Welch pg111

Okay so the beauty is like a church steeple that makes up look up! Look up to the heavens to remind us to look to God. I was reading Welch's book at a park near my house yesterday and while walking home I was overwhelmed with the beauty all around me. Surely God is great and makes incredibly beautiful landscapes and houses! He made beautiful songs for the birds to sing and fuzzy tails for squirrels and then something else hit me and made me giggle with joy! A handsome young man recently bought the house next door, he is the most handsome of men I've ever encountered... just think! That new neighbor of mine, he's beautiful appearance steeples the holy character of God! (laughter in my soul!) Only a holy, holy, holy God could create such a being. Only a holy, holy, holy God could create such a lovely world! Only a holy, holy, holy God could write such a good set of laws. 

I was having some Jesus time this morning, reading a study on the life of David. I read 1 Chronicles 29:10-20 and then was asked to list what I'd learned about who God is from this reading. Here's the verse that stuck out most to me.

Both riches and honor come from You, and You rule over all, and in Your hand is power and might; and it lies in Your hand to make great and to strengthen everyone. 1 Chronicles 29:12

Our riches and honor come from God. These are beautiful thing, which steeple the holy character of God.

God rules over all. This is a beautiful thing that points to the holy character of God.

In God's hand is power and might! These are great things and i'm sooooooooo grateful for His power and might! They steeply and point me to His holy, holy, holy, character.

It lies in God's hand to make great and to strengthen everyone! Is this not encouragement? is this not something that makes your heart want to dance?

I've been thinking a lot about that handsome boy next door and even my reading this morning brought me back to put he's being back into a God loving perceptive. Boy is handsome and kind but it's God who gives him what I think is great because in God's hand is riches and honor, to make great and to strengthen. So, Self, praise and worship the Creator who has blessed me with countless reminders of His great and holy character. 

 Both riches and honor come from You, and You rule over all, and in Your hand is power and might; and it lies in Your hand to make great and to strengthen everyone. 1 Chronicles 29:12

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51fQIiHlu8Q

What do I do after I freak out?

K, do you guys ever have days where you freak completely out about something that's way off in the future or something that you don't even know will happen? cause I do. That happened to me this weekend. Yeah, so I was stuck at home this weekend with a bad cold which means I was extra sleepy (pron to more worry right? anybody hear me on that?) Okay well, I received a book in the mail that I had order When Sinners Say "I Do" by Dave Harvey, I started reading it when out of what seemed like no where all these questions and statements started popping up. "Why are you read that? Oh you really think you're going to marry a good man do you? Why do you deserve a good man, look where you've come from! You're parents marriage was a mess! That was your only example, do you really think you can have a good marriage if your example was so bad? Tough luck, you'll never make it! You're screwed, just put the book down."

I did put the book down Friday night and cried and had a fitful sleep.

Saturday I tried again, same thing over again, same questions and accusations only this time they seemed louder and multiplied. I texted a friend and a pastor just a "Hey I have a big heavy question don't know who to talk to" deal. My friend called me and you know what she told me about, what we talked about that calmed me down? The gospel. Jesus. Community. Because of the gospel work that God did on the cross and how He is changing me and growing me through and deeper into the knowledge and love of the gospel and just my relationship with Him I don't have to fear that my marriage will be like my parents. Because of the Holy Spirit work in me, I don't have to make the same mistakes of my parents. I hope and pray that if I do get married it won't grow sour but even if it does the gospel of Jesus Christ is still true, God is still good, and the Holy Spirit is still at work. And if that weren't enough God has given me an extra blessing of a solid group of believers who if I'm dating a slees-bag will tell me quickly to drop him asap! 

So I'm okay. I can read When Sinner Say "I Do" because of the Holy Spirit and gospel change. I can live (and read) in faith that God is good and the gospel is still true for me, and will be in the future.

So I ended up not needing to talk to my pastor, just a friend. But I had told my pastor I was going to email him, so I just shot him a email of "hey this is what happened but I'm fine now because of Jesus" but now it's sunday night, I was sitting here worrying "oh gosh! I shouldn't have sent my pastor that email at all! He doesn't need to know especially since I'm fine now. aaaah, I wish there was a way to delete sent emails so that he doesn't get it cause totally he doesn't need too! I'm gonna die! He's gonna think I'm crazy! I just know he's gonna be reading my email thinking 'gosh, when is Vicki just gonna chill? When is she going to get it? When is she going to stop freaking out all the time?' Aaagh! *feelings of embarrassment* I'm such a crazy lady sometimes. eeewwww!"

    So what's that I do after I freak out? I freak out some more... about something else I can't control. 

Do I have the answer? Mmmm, no. But after church tonight I confessed to God that I was super anxious and right as I was telling God I don't know what to do about this, a thought came to mind: When I'm anxious, when I'm living in worry what does that preach to others that I believe about God in this circumstance? What am I tell others about God? What am I believing?

I'm believing that God's not in control

I'm believing that God's not good

I'm preaching that if there is a God He's not very big or strong 

I'm preaching if there is a God He really doesn't care about the details of my life

Mmmm. So do I really believe that when I stop all and think about it?

I do believe that God is good

that God is big and very strong

I struggle to believe that He cares even about my silly emails

and I do struggle to believe that He is really in control. of everything. all the time.

But here is something I know: I know that He has protected and provided for me in the past, from when I was born, to all the way through making me not coughing a lot in church tonight. I know that He is good and faithful. I know I can trust Him for today, tomorrow I can make plans for but freaking out and worrying about the out come of those plans and the reactions of my friends does me no good today. I can trust God to be loving and good today. I can let tomorrow worry about itself and my future worry about itself. And my future possible marriage to FutureMan? Well... that's many many tomorrow's away, it can worry about itself. I want to be able to trust God to be good and in control for the present day, thanks!