story#1:
Yesterday a friend pointed out that I carry around a lot of weight. I didn't get it so Larr's explained that sometimes when I'm trying to do stuff with people and it doesn't work out I hold it like its a guilty heavy thing, he said some more stuff that I can't remember now but it finally started to click... friendship only work as a two way street but when I'm trying to make friend moves and the other gal isn't budging I forget that that's on her - that's her decision, instead I say that its my fault that this friendship thing isn't working. I end up condemning myself in the process which adds guilt to my process of trying to build a friendship so the friendship isn't free happy thing anymore.
story#2:
Driving to lunch today I was imaging getting in trouble with my head boss for working from because I didn't get direct permission from him. I got permission from my sorta boss, Curly-Joe, because the office internet was out. I honestly probably won't get in trouble, but I realized in my imaginings that if my head boss were to ask why I'd worked from home and I said Curly-Joe said I could then if there was trouble Curly would take the blame. But I didn't like that at all and decided that Head Boss and I are adults I should take the blame not Curly-Joe, even if he's decision was the one I'd followed, and he's decision needed questioned.
story#3:
Today I overheard Curly-Joe say something like "I hate that the internet out. Nobody can work, it's my responsibility and I feel the weight of it".
'But you've done all you can! It's the At&t's fault, it's their weight.' I called out to him.
"Yeah!" busted in Nacho, "if it's their fault not yours. Seriously, don't feel bad!"
"I know, but I still do" sighed Curly-Joe.
Notice any similarities? Three stories, three times just can't let someone else hold the blame, can't let someone else bear the consequences for their own actions. Can't move past the fact that it didn't go as hoped or planned.
But wait self! You know how when you've sinned against someone and the Bible says "as far as it depends on you live at peace with one another"? Like when I'm wrong or have wronged a friend it's up to me to make it right and how they respond is between them and Jesus. I did what Jesus called me to do that's all I can do. In this situation if I asked for forgiveness and they don't forgive it will hurt but that's on them... I've done what I can and am living in obedience to God so in my heart I have peace.
I get to take responsibility for my actions, but also allow others to own their responsibilities. Curly and I get to live in peace when we've done our part.
There's this thing that I keep thinking. When I carry the weight that is someone else I'm sort of saying I have to be the hero. So what does that look like when it comes to my sin? Who bears the weight of my sin? Who washes me clean?
If it's Jesus then I have to allow Him to take the full weight of my sin. I will never be able to save myself. It's too much, too heavy.
When Curly and I carry the weight of others failings we're basically telling God "hey, I don't need Jesus to die for me or others. I got this. See I'm putting myself up on the cross." But in the mean time we crush ourselves, thinking too highly of ourselves.
We get to repent of trying to save others. We get to run back to Jesus and praise Him that He is strong enough to take our weights, take the weights of our friends and redeem our hearts for His glory and our joy. Jesus has made a way for me to live at peace with Him through His blood. Jesus is the only One that paid a suitable price.
Anytime I try to bear someone else's failings, I make myself god and worship me. I'm broken and fail my high expectations everyday. I make a terrible god.
Yesterday a friend pointed out that I carry around a lot of weight. I didn't get it so Larr's explained that sometimes when I'm trying to do stuff with people and it doesn't work out I hold it like its a guilty heavy thing, he said some more stuff that I can't remember now but it finally started to click... friendship only work as a two way street but when I'm trying to make friend moves and the other gal isn't budging I forget that that's on her - that's her decision, instead I say that its my fault that this friendship thing isn't working. I end up condemning myself in the process which adds guilt to my process of trying to build a friendship so the friendship isn't free happy thing anymore.
story#2:
Driving to lunch today I was imaging getting in trouble with my head boss for working from because I didn't get direct permission from him. I got permission from my sorta boss, Curly-Joe, because the office internet was out. I honestly probably won't get in trouble, but I realized in my imaginings that if my head boss were to ask why I'd worked from home and I said Curly-Joe said I could then if there was trouble Curly would take the blame. But I didn't like that at all and decided that Head Boss and I are adults I should take the blame not Curly-Joe, even if he's decision was the one I'd followed, and he's decision needed questioned.
story#3:
Today I overheard Curly-Joe say something like "I hate that the internet out. Nobody can work, it's my responsibility and I feel the weight of it".
'But you've done all you can! It's the At&t's fault, it's their weight.' I called out to him.
"Yeah!" busted in Nacho, "if it's their fault not yours. Seriously, don't feel bad!"
"I know, but I still do" sighed Curly-Joe.
Notice any similarities? Three stories, three times just can't let someone else hold the blame, can't let someone else bear the consequences for their own actions. Can't move past the fact that it didn't go as hoped or planned.
But wait self! You know how when you've sinned against someone and the Bible says "as far as it depends on you live at peace with one another"? Like when I'm wrong or have wronged a friend it's up to me to make it right and how they respond is between them and Jesus. I did what Jesus called me to do that's all I can do. In this situation if I asked for forgiveness and they don't forgive it will hurt but that's on them... I've done what I can and am living in obedience to God so in my heart I have peace.
I get to take responsibility for my actions, but also allow others to own their responsibilities. Curly and I get to live in peace when we've done our part.
There's this thing that I keep thinking. When I carry the weight that is someone else I'm sort of saying I have to be the hero. So what does that look like when it comes to my sin? Who bears the weight of my sin? Who washes me clean?
If it's Jesus then I have to allow Him to take the full weight of my sin. I will never be able to save myself. It's too much, too heavy.
When Curly and I carry the weight of others failings we're basically telling God "hey, I don't need Jesus to die for me or others. I got this. See I'm putting myself up on the cross." But in the mean time we crush ourselves, thinking too highly of ourselves.
We get to repent of trying to save others. We get to run back to Jesus and praise Him that He is strong enough to take our weights, take the weights of our friends and redeem our hearts for His glory and our joy. Jesus has made a way for me to live at peace with Him through His blood. Jesus is the only One that paid a suitable price.
Anytime I try to bear someone else's failings, I make myself god and worship me. I'm broken and fail my high expectations everyday. I make a terrible god.
