My day was great... until 3pm when I realized the up coming change and new friends that I will be making is where I've been placing my happiness, identity most of the week. Once I'm there serving them and doing whatever needs to be done and rejoicing in the victories with these new friends, my life will be full and successful! I thought.
But wait a sec, Vicki-Sue! You're a freaking Christian and so are they soooo that means that when you're wrong they're going to confront you, when you're in sin... they're going to rebuke you. Uuugh! Ouch! Maybe I don't want to go to MillCity. Oh wait, but I have to cause God has called me to it. Craaaaap! This is not going to be easy! And don't forget, Vicki-Sue, when they sin against you or you have sinned against them you have to reconcile with them. Awwwe, dang it! But yeah that does make friendships sweeter and stronger and I like this kind of friendship best. God I need you.
Later at work other thoughts crossed my mind with condemning strikes against my worth. Self pity and distractions kept me company all the way into Staples (Errands! Not my fav Friday night plans.) where the remembrance that Jesus died for me, my friends, and the world. Jesus gives us real, lasting worth. Holy Spirit gives us real, lasting comfort and guidance. Changes in my life and new friends can't give me any of that. I really need Jesus! I really need Jesus! Like an addict needs their drug only so much more! I can't do this life thing on my own! Me fixing my life or "helping" makes life harder. Holy Spirit, I freaking, NEED You!
I finally reach home about 7:30pm hungry, tired, and emotionally drained with more studying ahead of me this night. I was ready to give up again. While waiting for my Hot Pockets to heat up, I looked at the picture of little Victorian - a four year old Compassion kid...
I bet when he's hungry for dinner it takes longer then 3 minutes to heat up. Ouch! I have it good, but I'm acting like my whole life is falling apart... what am I? Five?
I bet he doesn't have a unknown number of clothing, bet he sleeps on the floor. Ooouch! I have so much stuff I don't know how to clean my room!
*sigh* I am very rich. I have more then I need to live, but most of the time my heart demands - even screams - I need more.
But just like little Victorian all I really need is Jesus for physical and spiritual. True lasting identity, worth, and confidence/joy is only found in having Jesus as Lord and Savior Friend.
