What Breaks Your Heart?

This song by Scott Krippayne has been in my head recently. Have a listen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnUGl6IOZE0

This summer has been a strange string of lessons on Christ love for His bride. He's been giving me real and personal pictures so that I'd understand His love for me and us (the church). This weeks lesson was poignant.
I've had a lot of crushes in my life. None of the guys really ever liked me back. Most of them didn't even know I cared and started dating some other chickadee and my heart would be crushed! So disappointed. Angry! Hurt. Sad. Confused.

I had another crush this summer. And for whatever reason the Lord had some major teaching He decided to do through this deal. Welp, said Crush is now taken for serious gone (to me) now.
Disappointed. Embarrassment. Hurt. Sad. Confused. But while I was processing the news and praying through it the Holy Spirit dropped a bomb. Basically to the effect of Vicki, when you choose your sins over Me, you are dating your sin. It breaks My heart to see you leave Me. When you know how to obey but deliberately chose your sin over Me, you are loving... you are being intentional with your sin, like a man pursuing a woman for marriage.  You are hurting Me like you are hurting about that guy.
The crazy thing is that even though I run so far and fast from God He still comes and woo's me back to Himself like it's the first time! The cross is not too weak for my prostitution.
So what breaks Baba God's heart? What make Him cry? My sin.

One more thought, I was just crying about a lot broken relationships in my family asking Baba, What do You think of all this?
The whisper replied: It breaks My heart.
Me: Are you of Jesus?
The Whisper: Yes, Jesus Christ was crucified for sins. It breaks My heart.

My sin - my leaving Him and refusing to trust Him - breaks His heart.
The sins we commit against our families and friends, when sin divides and breaks us apart. It breaks His heart.

If You Are My Shepherd...

If You are my Shepherd then You know when I limp
You probably already know my stubborn ways
The way I tend to disobey
I know You are God so totally You saw me fall
Now I'm dragging my broken leg behind
Thinking I can do this
I don't need to bother Baba God with my mistakes
But if You are my Shepherd
You call to me Stop. Be still.
Please let Me near you. 
But I stubbornly bite You then limp away
Worsening my condition, believing I can do this better then Jesus
You are my Shepherd
You see me fall behind the fold
You see me grasping for painless breath
I break Your heart with my pride
With my continued disobedience
My lack of trust

But if You are my Shepherd
There's no way You're going to leave me
You will grab me up vigorously
You will be stronger then my fight
You can totally pin me down till I'm too tired to fight
Your love is unfathomable
I nailed You to the cross again today
But Your plan is to heal and grow me
You forgive
You are patient
You see and understand the future
When I sin I drive a wedge between us
When You forgive
When You heal
You bind us tighter together

Holy Spirit,
Help! I'm not any good at obeying or trusting. Just help. You are my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.

I don't understand
But I know Your love

I don't understand
But I know You're good

My view is cloudy
My heart is breaking
I have dreams Lord!
Can't You see that?
Dreams!

You're slowing my progress!
My dreams would glorify You
Wouldn't they?
The long way to my dreams is harder
But I know that my trust in You would be
Stronger.

Will You make me bleed?
Do You really like holding me when I
Cry?
You don't mind
No, You don't mind.
(Just like I don't mind holding Tate when he screams and cries for an hour cause I'm not his Mommy. I love the fact that I get to babysit even when he cries cause I know one day he'll trust me, one day he'll be older and we'll play catch when I come babysit. I get to tell'im about Jesus when I come visit. I love his parents, they are good friends. I love Tate. And the love for him and his parents is based on Jesus. I don't need anything from them. It's just free.)
So no Daba God
You don't mind holding me when I cry!
It may take Tate a long time to trust me
But I'll be persistent
It may take me a long time to trust You Da
But You'll be more persistent!
You know I'm going to scream and cry
ALOT!
You know that I won't understand
most of the time.
But You're teaching me to
Trust
And when I walk in faith
And not by sight
You are glorified.
Even when it hurts.

The Seed and The Maker

( For those of us who worry and doubt that our lives make a difference. And for those of us who doubt we're anything special in this big wide world.)

     Today I went to a Ladies Luncheon with my Ma. Afterward Ma led me into the church's children's library with the statement "There's something I want to show you."
She went straight for the far bookshelf picked up a book and said "See this book? You need to read this!" The books title was The Trellis and The Seed by Jan Karon.
Realizing that my critical side was alive and well - This is stupid. Just nod and walk away. You won't like it. It's probably a softy book that'll make you cry. I offered to read the kids book to Ma (knowing that my critic might win if I didn't and also knowing I LOVE reading children's books aloud). She agreed and we sat down.

The book did make me cry. The Seed didn't think he could become a tall beautiful flowering plant with a wonderful fragrance. But the Seed's friend, the Earth, kept right on encouraging the Seed - God knows what is coming. God knows what He is doing. Just wait.
It made me cry because it was like Baba God was talking to me. Reminding me of a few things.

I know where I have planted you

I know where you have come from and I have a plan

I have planted you exactly where I want you

You will be a blessing in this place

I know those that you will be a blessing to

I have this figured out, My daughter

You are worried that you have ruined My plans, but I Am telling you I knew that was coming. I am fixing it up nice. I will bless you through this.

Beloved, I know the plans I have for you. The plans to prosper and not to harm you.

It isn't by accident that you are going to the Mill City Church plant

It isn't by accident that you feel out of place sometimes or that you are as blunt as you are. I have a grand design. I have a special path for you.

You are My darling child and I know and love you.

Sometimes I plant things just to show off My glory, don't worry about weather I'm making you into something useful or just beautiful. I am your Maker. I will get glory from your life.

Follow Me beloved. I have you where I want you.