God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we expect. He doesn't always do just what we ask.
I've been praying for it to rain in Columbia on September 19, 12 for about a month because rain makes me smile and remember that God made that rain, God loves me, but I also love the rain because it leaves water puddles all along my street which I quiet enjoy splashing in like a little girl because doing so makes me feel beautiful in that I'm splashing with my Father God who made me to be me and not anybody else.
I was praying for rain on this day because 2 years ago Dad passed away... I wanted to be sure today that Jesus loves me. To be sure of God's faithfulness.
Well it rained most of Monday and Tuesday and there were plenty of beautiful puddles to run through the last two nights (of course I did! and discovered new ones! Sweet!) While I drove sleepy eyed to work this morning I admired beautiful clouds and the sun rise. The weather has been gorgeous today! And the sky? The most beautiful and comforting/peaceful blue.
At lunch time I was sitting outside enjoying the weather remembering my request when it hit me that God didn't give me rain, but wait! That's probably a good thing maybe rain would have made Ma sad today. Maybe somebody is having a hard time and just really needed to be blessed with a gorgeous sunshiny day?!
I guess what I'm saying is that there are things I didn't think about when I was praying for what I thought would be best for me.
I forgot about others, and their needs
I forgot that God does all things well, even when I don't understand
That God knows what I need
Which brings me back to why I wanted rain. My Dad wasn't one of those "I love you's" all the time dad's, in fact I heard that rarely from him. What I received most from him was a rejection... I thought well if it rains on the 19th then I'll know for sure that God loves me. Silly Vicki. No, Honey, God loves you all the time. Rain or shine, dark or light. Loving daddy's don't give their children everything they ask for (that's called spoiling) they give them what they need and yep sometimes we get what we want, but it's a special thing called a gift.
I could go crazy analyzing why my Dad wasn't the best in the world and what could have made him a better Dad. I could get angry and grow bitter about who he was or wasn't and I could shake my fists at God screaming I deserve better! I'm not about to say that the pain inflected by my Dad was good or okay because it just wasn't, but I do just want to say that God does knows what I need. I've never been without something I truly needed. God is good, His heart is loving, His ways fulfill His glory, He has a plan for His beloved children.
I don't understand every trail I've walked through, I don't understand why good prayers don't get the result we ask for, I don't have a point system of "well if you go through this much suffering you'll get this or will grow this much..." or "well, if this happened to you then this is why you went through it or this is what happened". Nope, sorry I don't have those kinds of answers. I only know from James 1 that God uses trails and suffering to mature us in our faith in Him. I know by reading Psalms, Isaiah, and Joel that God doesn't look the other way when we suffer. When life just sucks He's not ignoring you, He's carrying His own in His strong and gentle embrace. When we are weak He is strong.
God is an all knowing, all powerful, loving disciplinary Daddy. A lot in my life I have gotten mad at Him asking why me? Why this hardship? Maybe I'm asking the wrong questions, maybe I'm focused on the wrong thing. Instead of looking at my circumstances maybe I oughta just trust that God is my loving Daddy and cry in His arms when it hurts. Maybe I should ask what is God teaching and training me in? Maybe instead of hugging my busted pride I oughta open my hands praying "Daddy? Here are my aches, painful sufferings, here are my tears, how can You use them as encouragement in someone else's life?"
...there is a friend that sticks closer then a brother. prov. 18:24b
just a fav of mine currently is psalm 147 (esp.10-11) ;)
